Not Sure

DEVOTION
JAMES
NOT SURE
James 1:19-21
19 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. 21 Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.
NIV
I surely do not think I am very quick to speak; in fact I am so slow people get tired of listening to me. But I do not think it is that kind of slow I am being encouraged to be here. I know I am not as good a listener as I should be, but on the other hand, I also am not very fast to offer any words. I am not sure why that is. Is it because I have been put down too many times or maybe it is because I feel insecure. I know my listening skills need work. Why do not I listen like I should? Am I not interested in what others have to say? Is that because I am so self-centered? I do not think so, but I know I always say I desire a two way conversation. I actually do desire to listen but also to be listened to. Maybe I have stopped both listening and speaking because I just am not in that situation much. I do have a couple of friends that I listen to, they listen to me. But again I think maybe this has more to do with insisting on my way so much and getting so upset because people will not hear what I have to say. If I become so self-centered I must be the center of attention in a group I am in trouble. I know people like that. No, I think I am, if anything a little stand offish, keeping to myself, not getting involved at all. That is not so good either. I neither listen nor speak, at least in many cases. I know when I do speak I get so passionate I get preachy and that is not good either because no one wants to listen. Am I ever wandering all over this idea? I know anger is all about self-centeredness I think I need some work still to be done by the Holy Spirit in that area. I have to ponder on this whole concept more. I need more time for god to give me more insight into my own being, who I am, what I do and should do and not do and such not do, but I do know I need to listen better, and talk less.