The Choice

DEVOTION

PROVERBS

A CHOICE

Prov 21:19

19 Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.

NIV

This is not much different than what we just saw in 21:9, except here instead of the corner of the roof, it is the desert. Both are places exposed to the elements and are considered a better place than in the company of a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife. The question is why would a wife be quarrelsome and ill-tempered? Is the blame on the husband? How can we ever blame someone else for our attitudes and/or our behaviors? The other question which we should consider is did this man marry a quarrelsome and ill-tempered woman. It is doubtful. But at some point in what should be a union of not just the flesh but the spirit, this woman turned into the quarrelsome and ill-tempered person. What can be the cause? Why the change in personality? Why the decision, why the choice to become this way? Again, does she blame her husband for her ill-temperedness? This should not be, as she has the choice how to behave, as we all do. Why do we allow others to control our attitudes and behaviors? It is not just the woman, although this proverb is all about the woman. We all have the opportunity to act in accordance with our own choices. We should not be about living in response, but living pro-actively. Sometimes it seems that many of us believers see God as living in response to us, as if he is some genie in the bottle waiting for our request. God is not a God of response, he is a pro-active God doing and acting on our behalf. No one asked him to send Jesus to be our Savior. For that matter no one asked him to be created. No one asked him to love us or make heaven and hell. If we want to be more like Jesus we should be living a pro-active life which means not a responsive life.  If we do respond to others it should be with love, rather than ill-temperedness. The husband here also has a choice. Here Solomon suggests it is better to live in the desert. It is interesting that Solomon had so many wives, why he did not just rid himself of the quarrelsome ill-tempered one. Maybe he did in the sense of removing himself physically, emotionally and spiritually from her, while still supporting her materially as he should. Maybe the desert represents that type of separation, living in isolation. Nevertheless we should see both have a responsibility to the other. This is not to say every marriage can be without some disagreements and maybe even some moments of heated talks. But the point is if we are in union with each other, physically, emotionally and spiritually, we will always come back to that place of living in love and harmony. We all have the choice as to how we live.